Monday, December 15, 2008

House

This story is about a spritley, slightly chubby, fully made-up menopausal Japanese woman who lived a seemingly perfectly happy life. Apart from the problem of her being chronically constipated, that is. Since her twenties she has been straining on the bog for hours several times a week, so much so that it has become part of life instead of something to bother the doctors about.

One day this otherwise perfectly normal and happy grandmother inadvertently wet her pants whilst standing up from a sitting position. This embarrassing episode shocked her but also shamed her so much that she tried to block it out. Then it started happening more and more often - she could no longer hold complete control over her bladder and this started to put her off going out. She who used to enjoy eating out with friends, trying out all the new restuarants etc., now found herself making excuses to stay in.

One night, when she was having a relaxing hot bath, she suddenly felt something sliding out of her vagina - something the size of a fuckin' pingpong ball! That something was definitly still attached to her innards, not like an alien foetus or a giant blob of congealed menstrual blood or some such.

She didn't bother to bend forwards to have a good look. Instead, fear and embarrassment compelled her to push the damn thing back into her vagina with her fingers, and proceeded to pretend nothing ever happened.

The situation got worse. Not only was she still constipated as fuck, she continued to lose control over her bladder, and she developed a new condition of not being able to wee a single drop even though her bladder was so full it was about to burst.

So, predictably, it all came to a showdown when her whole family was there singing her happy birthday, cake and candles and lovely grandchildren and everything, when she was in so much pain from not being able to poo and wee that she passed out and ended up in hospital.

Can you guess what the hell was wrong with her?

2 comments:

Jamie said...

Emmm... some kind of unusual pregnancy?

Or wait... she had changed sex without realising?

Winifred said...

Sounds like a prolapsed uterus. So sad.

I hope she recovers soon.