Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Top job

The lifeguards at the pool in our place are the most useless pair I have seen so far.

The law says that all private pools must have at least 2 lifeguards watching the place at any time, regardless of the size of the pool. These two losers, however, like to take turns. At any one time you can only ever see one of them, either sleeping (with or without sunglasses), having a leisurely swim, or hosing themselves down at the edge of the pool after their swim.

And where would the other one be whilst this one is busying himself around the pool? Number two would be the bathroom, having some private time doing God knows what. When number two re-emerges, number one heads off to the loo.

You'll be entering the pool, trying to give them your ticket, and you will see only one lifeguard, sitting on his observation seat, 30 meters away. You wave at him, signalling him to come and get your ticket, but there is no response. You walk over, but he does not seem to see you. When you are right next to him, you say "excuse me, here's my ticket", as you hand him the ticket. At the sound of your voice, his body twitches as if woken by a bad dream. His Raybans tilts slightly. But he doesn't move from his seat. The words slur out of his mouth "Just put it under that log book over there". And resumes his serenity.

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