Thursday, July 06, 2006

Who needs Disneyland when you've got Ikea

Tried to stay up last night to watch ze Germany Italy match. Well, managed to stay awake by working on my multi-coloured jumper (work in progress since 2005), but ze effects of alcohol took over and I however regrettably had to retire to ze chambers thrity minutes into the game. It was fucking boring, really. Football sucks. It's fucking boring. And I'll say it again too. It's FUCKING BORING.

I'm too sane and too old to get myself worked up for a football match now, I am. Nevertheless, being 100% human, I shall try to defy ze odds and stay up again tonight to watch ze France Portugal match. Why? For no other reason than to be able to tell people I stayed up and watched the stupid game, that's why.

Anyhow, had a pretty okay kind of day. Got up at eleven, went to ze furniture emporium with my young son J. The plan was to get a new throw for the sofa (badly stained with Ribena, Fanta, curry, chocolate, sweat, tears, generic dirt) and maybe a couple of cheap and cheerful mugs. I found J amusing. On the train ride, every now and then he would appear to fall into deep thoughts, only to turn round to me and say:

Hey you remember Chicken Little? Yeah? When like, they were playing dodgeball and all of a sudden he went "Ce... le... bration time, c'mon! Duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh.... ha ha ha hah aha ha.... so funny, yeah?"

A minute and a half later:

Hey you remember Monsters Inc? Yeah? When like, Mikey was holdling this huge contact lens yeah? Just one lens? And he was trying to put it on his eye? Cos he only got one huge eye yeah? Ha ah ah ahaaaah hhaaaa... so funny, yeah?"

That's right. Insights into the workings of a young mind.

In ze emporium he felt compelled to sit on every chair and sofa, lie down on every bed, open every drawer and every cupboard door, touch every pot and pan, feel every towel and curtain, put every garlic press and knife into the shopping trolley.

Hey look! Look here! Look at me open this drawer! Hey! See? hah ahahahaha... there's nothing inside? hahah ahahhaha so crazy!

Look mummy! Look! I'm lying on this bed! With my shoes on! Ha ha hahaha.... so funny!

Hey look! There is no keyboard for this computer!

Yes darling, it's fake, that's why...

You mean it's not real? They put a fake computer here to make this look like a real home? Wow! They did that? But that is so crazy!

And so on....

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