Snap Snap Snap

I slept till noon today. I really needed it. I loved today. It has been so pleasant in many ways. I slept in, the air was cool, the sun was out, the sky was blue. Then I ran to Kadoorie, came back and ate a huge bowl of noodles with nothing but soy sauce, chilli flakes and sesame oil. Then vegged and cooked and drank and ate some more and watched tv and surfed the net...

Pleasant, apart from when I snapped at O. Again. There seems to be no end to this reflections on parenthood business. Like an eighteen year old reflecting on the joys and woes of love and heartbreak. How it all started? This is how:

O opened a box of Maltesers and started stuffing them in his mouth, grabbing 5 or 6 in one hand while the other held the box. All this after he's had dinner (half a pizza), fanta, and toblerone. So, annoyed and frowning, I went:

What are you doing?
Why are you grabbing them all in your hands??
As if he's the most disgusting person in the world.

He stopped, then looked at me, and said nothing.

That was completely unnecessary!

Then he looked away and I yelled

LOOK AT ME!

And he forced himself to stare into my eyes, and then gave me a look, a smirk. Which I interpreted as "okay I'm looking, I'm not scared of you. I don't know what the big deal is. But okay, I'm looking. Happy now?"

So I snapped, grabbed the chocolates, and sent him to bed (after brushing his teeth, of course).

He didn't say a word. He did as he was told.

After I calmed down I went to his bed and made peace with him. He was visibly upset. We talked and we hugged and said our sorries.

Am I totally insane? Behaving like that on a regular basis? God, give me the strength to be a more efficient and effective parent. God help me. Please.