Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Meat chomping veggies

Yes, the venus fly trap. I can't recall when O first learned of the existence of this creature but he's been nagging me to get one for him. So, last weekend, we went to the flower market on Prince Edward Road West in Mongkok to get one.

We had to walk round quite a few stalls before we found one that sells them. At $75 per pot. A tiny pot, that is. It's not cheap. It's the price of two half decent pints in LKF happy hour.

Anyhow, for the love of my children, I parted farewell with my cash and bought two pots, one for each boy.

O was so excited that he couldn't stop looking at the damn things on our way home. I was quite fascinated by the fact that he was so fascinated.

When we got home, O immediately asked for raw meat. And I was like, raw meat?

Yeah, he said, these are carnivores, they eat meat. What kind of meat? Any kind! Do we have some chicken wings? Yeah. But they are frozen. What about pork? We don't have any pork. Please could you go and buy some? We just got back! I'm not going anywhere. I need a cold beer. I need a lie down.

Anyhow, the little bugger wouldn't leave me alone. Divine intervention saved the day. Just at the point when I thought I was going to scream and throw someone out of the window, out of nowhere a fly started buzzing around. Amazingly, we managed to catch it in a miniature pint glass (yes, they sell those at Ikea) and then tried to "feed" it to one of the leaves. But the stupid leaves were too slow to trap the damn fly. It escaped a few times before I decided sod it, have it dead of alive! So I whacked the fucker with a rolled up magazine and fed it to the stupid leave.

Okay. Good mother role accomplished. The stupid leave shut it's crazy jaws and the fly was definitely not going nowhere. Okay, O was happy. I could drink my beer in peace.

Thirty seconds later I go FUCK!!!!! what are those little fucking things crawling out of the leaves? Little fucking white maggots!!! Crawling out from the dead fly!! I screamed and O screamed and we both freaked out as our scalps started to itch inexplicably. I said, Let's get outta here! I don't want these fuckin' maggots crawling around my house! O agreed, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH they are SOOOO gross! C'mon we have to get out! Let's go outside now!!!!!

So, there we were, mad mum and son combo, dashing out to the playground area, son with only one shoe on, mum with no makeup and mad hair situation. We put the plant down and I started flipping out the little fuckers one by one. Man. They were really disgusting.

Anyhow, after that sorry episode, we agreed the flies were not a good idea. O told me that must have been a female fly. So, female flies were not a good idea.

So we fed another leave some pork. Raw. Not a whole fuckin' loin steak of course just a wee bit that I nipped off with some sharp scissors. Yes, we fed a plant some raw pork. The next morning some bloody water was seeping out of the damn leave. It's fascinatingly disgusting. Actually, it's the kind of thing which would move me to tears if I were on drugs, you know?

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