Friday, May 04, 2007

Warning: content possibly blasphemeous

Dear Lord, I don't know what is up with me. I have been taking 2-hour naps everyday for the past two months. I have drastically cut down my consumption of alcohol. I exercise three times a week. I have not wasted money on any new shoes or items of clothing or makeup this last four weeks. I have been buying free range chickens and lamb chops and and use only organic flour.

And yet, I feel worse in every way than before I started doing all this crap. Give me a sign, oh Lord, almighty creator and heavenly Father. Is it time for me to buy new shoes? Amen.

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The person who lent me that very big book The Message (see previous post about one of my anally retentive dreams), we are in the same theology seminar. This seminar thingy is not a formal set up, and each week bascially we all sit around for three hours drink wine nibble on bits of sweaty cheese and talk about our respective assigned readings. Anywhooo, I don't know her very well but she seems reasonably nice and is obviously very knowledgeable about the bible and reads extensively about bible stuff etc.

I try not to be judgemental about people but on two recent occasions she has explicitly referred to what I said as blasphemy. OK I know organized religion and matters of personal faith are terribly sensitive topics but if someone calls me a blaspheme (?) I'm not sure I could comfortably live with that and okay not once but TWICE and the same person?

Incident one:

One of the members in the group was drunk, and was rambling on about how Jesus had a blast when he was on earth. Like, he had an entourage of women following him around and and one occasion one of the ladies rubbed his feet with oil and brushed her hair on her feet or something. So this tipsyed one said “yeah, Jesus was definitely human he was having a blast! Blah blah very sensual blah blah!” etc. and I said “yeah, and he performed magic tricks at parties! hahhaha!” And this one who lent me the book said (in a Scottish accent for she is Scottish) “ooouuu, something something something BLASPHEMY something mind you noauw”……

Incident two:

Again, sitting around the table, talking about our readings et cetera. Someone raised a question “in the gospel it was well documented that Jesus drove demons out of the people. Does our church still do that? Exorcisism?” So the discussion carried on for a while along the lines of “Oh yes the Roman Catholic church is very active in that department have you not seen that documentary on BBC2…” “Oh yes our church does that every week, the priest put his hands on two dozen or so people from the congregation every week and….” “Oh yes you can ask for that to be done at our church but it is all very hush hush….” So, that went on for 15 mins or so… then someone said she once lived in haunted houses and she had successfully asked these spirits to leave in the name of Jesus. “I managed to get them ghosts out but not the cockroaches!” So I said, “couldn’t you say to them roaches ‘in the name of Jesus, I command you to leave this house’?” Everyone laughed. Stony faced Scotswoman said “oooooouuu, something something something BLASPHEMY something mind you naouwwwue”……again.

I'm thinking if she pull this again, I might want to roll up my sleeves look her in the eyes and say "alright then you got a problem with that? You wanna step outside?"

6 comments:

Project WANNABE said...

Sounds pretty irritating. And I'm not real tuned in to the bible but my understanding of the story is that he did do a magic trick at a party.

Then again people have been toasted for translating the thing into the vernacular before. Ask her politely to leave her matches at home.

Project WANNABE said...

& why is she singling you out? Woman has some unexamined issues.

Karen said...

I never went past the first page of the Bible (don´t even know what version it was!) but this *almost* makes me want to join in. Hahahaha

Btw, I´m travelling around South America, and your blog is still as entertaining as ever, no matter when or where I read it.

BLASPHEMY!

Jan said...

I'm a Christian, and I can tell you that woman is definitely too uptight. Chill! ;)

Hope you find "The Message" a good read =)

Pierre said...

Project - maybe she (shock horror) has a crush on me (!)

Karen - South America! You lucky girl! Did you get off with any hotties yet? How about updating that blog of yours?

Jan - thanks!

Project WANNABE said...

Very likely!